Thursday, May 11, 2006
Captain Nostalgia
Damn cable TV! We just got a new channel package that includes VH1 Classic and BBCTV. There are also several other channels that have taken me back to my childhood days. I watched an episode of "Kung Fu" tonight. Loved that show. I've been watching the classic videos from the 80's and 70's as much as possible. Benny Hill is a classic in its own right. Benny was my first experience with lingerie-clad ladies. Thank you Mr. Hill may you rest in peace:(
I deeply miss my youth. Perhaps I wouldn't if I didn't still feel the same in my mind. It's strange how I feel and have felt. When I was very young, I always felt my body was way behind my mind in maturity and age. Now that I'm older, I feel my mind is still very youthful. I still enjoy the things I did when I was a teen. I could spend all day turning over rocks in a creek looking for crawdads or skipping rocks or hiking through the mountains. I still love to climb trees although, not quite as high as I used to. I seem to hit harder when I land these days.
I think the thing I miss most is the companionship of my friends. Not a day went by that wasn't spent with a friend and usually with several friends. We grew together. We learned from each other. Occasionally, we cried together. Some of the best times in my life took place in my 1978 Scout. That machine took my friends and I anywhere we wanted to go. Nothing could stop it. We travelled in it. We camped in it. We socialized in it. We shared our life stories in it. On more than one occasion, I loved in it. It was my ship to new lands and old familiar places. No matter what problems I had, I could drive into the mountains and just kick back and listen to the radio and nothing could touch me.
How many nights were spent after school with friends trying to figure out the next turn. We didn't always take the right turns but, we took them together. Together we could find our way home.
There are only a few of the friends left that are truly close. Some have died. Most have moved. I still consider ALL my friends from the past friends forever. I may not see them or communicate with them for long periods but, when we do, I am reborn as youth.
I remember my first day of high-school. The principal told us these would be the best years of our lives. I was lucky. I understood. I was aware I was having the time of my life while it was happening. So many people I have met over the years never truly knew the joys of their lives until after the fact. Everything was new and even the tragedies had a certain joy in their pain. I have never loved, hated, hurt or smiled as strongly as during that time of my life.
I have so few regrets in my life. I have many empty wishes but, there were many that were filled. I suppose I only truly have one regret. I regret my treatment of my first girlfriend. It would be easy to say I was a kid and I didn't know what I was doing and it would be true but, it wouldn't lessen the pain I caused. I loved her deeply and I fought to win her love. Over time, she returned the passion. Unfortunately, for reasons even I may never know, my love faded. Over several years, we would meet for a night and part. What I thought was merely a physical satisfaction was actually repeated attempts to win me back and each time I walked away. Years after our last "meeting", I attempted to apologize for my past. I was met with anger and disgust and no forgiveness. I deserved it all and will bear it forever. The worst pain of all was she no longer believes I ever loved her. There will never be anyone that I will love as I did her. She was the first and there can be no other first. If I knew never meeting her would have given her a happier life, I would gladly relinquish those joyous days when we were in love and would have spent that time alone.
My 20th class reunion is coming soon. I wonder who will show? I was amazed at the 10th! Everyone who attended looked as good or better than they did in school. I was saddened to see some of the ladies had lost too much weight in my opinion. Whether it was natural or through diet, they didn't need to change. There was one who was absent but, touched us all on that day. All through school from the very first day, she took pictures. When we graduated, we were to have had a slide-show of our journey. Unfortunately, she was unaware slides took longer to process than film and they weren't ready in time. Years later, she was moving away from home and found the box of slides and gave them to her mother. She told her not to lose them because we would need them for our class reunion. Shortly after, she was killed. Her mother contacted one of her girlfriends and gave her the slides. A video was made and the work was shown at the reunion. We were so young once. Will we ever be again?
Turbo Ghost
I deeply miss my youth. Perhaps I wouldn't if I didn't still feel the same in my mind. It's strange how I feel and have felt. When I was very young, I always felt my body was way behind my mind in maturity and age. Now that I'm older, I feel my mind is still very youthful. I still enjoy the things I did when I was a teen. I could spend all day turning over rocks in a creek looking for crawdads or skipping rocks or hiking through the mountains. I still love to climb trees although, not quite as high as I used to. I seem to hit harder when I land these days.
I think the thing I miss most is the companionship of my friends. Not a day went by that wasn't spent with a friend and usually with several friends. We grew together. We learned from each other. Occasionally, we cried together. Some of the best times in my life took place in my 1978 Scout. That machine took my friends and I anywhere we wanted to go. Nothing could stop it. We travelled in it. We camped in it. We socialized in it. We shared our life stories in it. On more than one occasion, I loved in it. It was my ship to new lands and old familiar places. No matter what problems I had, I could drive into the mountains and just kick back and listen to the radio and nothing could touch me.
How many nights were spent after school with friends trying to figure out the next turn. We didn't always take the right turns but, we took them together. Together we could find our way home.
There are only a few of the friends left that are truly close. Some have died. Most have moved. I still consider ALL my friends from the past friends forever. I may not see them or communicate with them for long periods but, when we do, I am reborn as youth.
I remember my first day of high-school. The principal told us these would be the best years of our lives. I was lucky. I understood. I was aware I was having the time of my life while it was happening. So many people I have met over the years never truly knew the joys of their lives until after the fact. Everything was new and even the tragedies had a certain joy in their pain. I have never loved, hated, hurt or smiled as strongly as during that time of my life.
I have so few regrets in my life. I have many empty wishes but, there were many that were filled. I suppose I only truly have one regret. I regret my treatment of my first girlfriend. It would be easy to say I was a kid and I didn't know what I was doing and it would be true but, it wouldn't lessen the pain I caused. I loved her deeply and I fought to win her love. Over time, she returned the passion. Unfortunately, for reasons even I may never know, my love faded. Over several years, we would meet for a night and part. What I thought was merely a physical satisfaction was actually repeated attempts to win me back and each time I walked away. Years after our last "meeting", I attempted to apologize for my past. I was met with anger and disgust and no forgiveness. I deserved it all and will bear it forever. The worst pain of all was she no longer believes I ever loved her. There will never be anyone that I will love as I did her. She was the first and there can be no other first. If I knew never meeting her would have given her a happier life, I would gladly relinquish those joyous days when we were in love and would have spent that time alone.
My 20th class reunion is coming soon. I wonder who will show? I was amazed at the 10th! Everyone who attended looked as good or better than they did in school. I was saddened to see some of the ladies had lost too much weight in my opinion. Whether it was natural or through diet, they didn't need to change. There was one who was absent but, touched us all on that day. All through school from the very first day, she took pictures. When we graduated, we were to have had a slide-show of our journey. Unfortunately, she was unaware slides took longer to process than film and they weren't ready in time. Years later, she was moving away from home and found the box of slides and gave them to her mother. She told her not to lose them because we would need them for our class reunion. Shortly after, she was killed. Her mother contacted one of her girlfriends and gave her the slides. A video was made and the work was shown at the reunion. We were so young once. Will we ever be again?
Turbo Ghost
